I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
