That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
