he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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