either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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