You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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