just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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