Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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