I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
