It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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