We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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