Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
