Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
