That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
