my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
