I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
