I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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