Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
