he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
