Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
