i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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