I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
