Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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