grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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