loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
