yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
