eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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