What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
