remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
