Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
