wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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