I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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