So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
there is glitter all over my balls
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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