I wish I only lived at night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
