its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
