I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
