I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
