Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
