after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
