Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
