where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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