one might say we're banned from that church
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
