my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
