I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
