He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
