I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
