Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
