two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
