i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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