I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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