i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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