OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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