he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
