I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
