Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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