thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
