I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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