I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
birth control should be required to get into college
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
