goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
