how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
