similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
