Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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